samiraisfan: (yamapair)
samiraisfan ([personal profile] samiraisfan) wrote on May 13th, 2016 at 12:56 am
Delusional mind
I don't know why, just simply wanted to write here and share a thought there. Will put this under a cut since I don' want to bother anyone ^^

I woke up this morning with a strong feeling saying that what I dreamt was important and that I had to remember what it was about to write then down on paper, or wheresoever. But somehow, I didn't manage to remember at all yet weirdly the strong feeling is still there. However this leaves me thinking that, apart of overthinking anything, I gotta face a strange event from the past believing all of it was a product of my imagination. I was too blind and tricked by someone, and by my sole innocence. With whom am I inlove? Is that person who they mean to be? I got tired back in time with all those games those people played. What only tortures me inside is I never knew the truth. Who they were, if it was just some people with fake names and faces tricking innocent souls that poured all their hearts onto empty holes.

From time to time, I stupidily awake my demons and got stuck in a down mood for a while. All my fault. My insecurities, my low self-esteem... Yes, yes, everyone else has it and suffers from it. I shouldn't complain so freely about something everybody fights against it. Well, I bet anyone else has someone with whom they can share their feelings, thoughts, any other issues without feeling as if they are a bother... I do. Whenever I open myself to others there is this point when you can recognise on their faces you are annoying, that I am annoying and I should better shut the f**k up. So I use this journal, Twitter and Tumblr as an escape route, although I know nobody reads this. I bet nobody is interested on the thoughts of a young adult that just ramble about vital facts everyone suffers so and so.

Which brings to mind that I would get phrases like "You should read" or "You should go for a walk and enjoy the landscape" just to evade from those 'thoughts', as orders. Like really... Orders? Sometimes we just need to be listened but everybody is so busy with their lifes that they cannot stop, take a breath and listen/speak. That leads to complain about the poor communication we have with each other.

A comment regarding all this blasphemy, I was even called "drama queen". Maybe all I want is attention, he.


Just adding some positive words, I only have high expectations on Arashi's new performances :)
 
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